Here I am on day 7 of the My500Word challenge! It has only been 7 days and approximately 4,000 words, but I have found this to be equal parts fun and challenging. Do you ever feel like you are just desperate to stay busy, to quiet your chaotic mind? Sometimes I feel like this is the source of much of my so-called ambition. I appear to the world as a calm, collected person, and for the most part, this is true. Inside my mind though, ideas are churning constantly and if I don’t have an outlet for this, I can grow very restless. This tends to manifest as either a compulsive outward need for activity or an inward drive for stimulation, which often means alone time. However, I am not really an introvert. I do need a certain amount of social interaction in order to feel like my best self, but balancing my need for internal stimulation and my need for company and socializing has proven to be difficult for me.
I write this in my last year of my 20s with no current solution, except to maybe try to avoid my need to compulsively seek outward stimulation to quiet my mind…at least to avoid it in any damaging manner. I feel more satisfied and alive when I have that balance between interaction with the world and interaction with my soul. Maybe in the end this is how we all feel. Maybe I am not so unique in this. And, if that is the case, what ideas do you have? Have you managed this yourself? I would love some advice as I feel this is a weak area of my life, knowing which part of myself to prioritize and when.
I admit that I did not want to write this post, tonight. I actually debated and decided (🙀) to skip tonight, as I reasoned my soul needed a rest. Simultaneously, I wondered where my life was going and why I was spending time sitting on the couch watching the tele… THEN, my sweet, bedtime-loving boyfriend went to sleep well before 8:30 PM. All of the sudden, I knew I would have some totally alone time to write this post, and I knew I would post it. Why am I so stuck when it comes to alone vs social time? How can I better manage this internal struggle? My relationship with my fella and all of my personal relationships are VERY important to me, in fact the most important to me. Maybe this is why I struggle. I prioritize family, friends, and personal relationship development over everything, including me and my alone time. I am certainly a priority, but it seems like I am #2 (at least). I see this in many areas of my life. I stop what I am doing to fit others’ schedules and fill in the gaps with things for me. I am not sure how I feel about this. Is this a healthy and normal reality of life, albeit difficult? This is something I will have to mull over for a few days.
I will find a YouTube video with constant affirmations for 20+ minutes and ponder this, while I attempt to hypnotize myself with positivity. I have a good feeling about, but it could be the positive affirmation juice I have been drinking. I can do anything. Great things keep happening to me. It’s crazy and awesome how many great things keep happening to me.