A Wanna Be


I am a “wanna be”. There are pretty specific requirements for such a role.

  1. Not be much of much.
  2. Have had potential at one point of life to be more.
  3. Not follow through.
  4. Not know how to follow through.
  5. Dream about being someone or something else.
  6. Repeat.

This is the life of a wanna be, a loser, a me. I am pretty smart, pretty nice, pretty funny, but I am not good at anything. I am kind of a loser in a lot of ways. I feel like I am not crushing it at work. I feel hopelessly in the middle. I am Middle Michelle… not bad, not great, not sad, not happy. I am not passionately engaged or passionately disengaged.

Am I sedated? Am I lost? Or, am i painfully mediocre… just another regular ass person that thought they were going to change and save the world. I am just NOT a big deal, and I am really bummed at the prospect of coming to terms with this reality.

I thought I was going to be interesting and wild and weird forever. Most of those parts of me were aided by the intoxication of myself and those around me. I was never those things. I was always just me.

Is there a version of me that can still do something great? Is it possible to be the lame, loser, underachiever that is me…and still DO something great. Like, maybe I can’t BE great, but maybe I can DO great. Be is what I am. I can’t change that. I was always screwed in this regard. Perhaps, though, I can DO something new and interesting. Maybe I can be scared but still do something. Maybe it isn’t over even though I am increasingly SUREEEE that I am a lame, loser, freakazoid, boring, wannabe, idiot that stresses out a lot over dumb stuff.

Maybe I can still do something. Maybe I haven’t sung my last song after all. Maybe, this wannabe can fly.

Day 6: Shutter Speed and Time Management

My 500 Words

Today for my 500 word post, I wanted to delve into shutter speed, something I have been ignoring in my photography research while I focus on the aperture. I am lost in a swirl of photography concepts…except it is 3 and it hasn’t been hard yet. Also, I am so very new and really want to understand this on an instinctual level, and that takes time. Shutter speed allows you to adjust the image based on both your intended outcome and the circumstances surrounding the image capture. A fast shutter speed allows you to capture a moving subject and freeze it in the image. To create movement in an image, you can slow down the shutter speed to capture the subject in its movement during a longer period of time.

This video was awesome for shutter speed, and I learned a lot!

As I learned in the video, aperture is like a guard, allowing only certain light into the sensor, and the shutter is like a door, allowing light for a certain amount of time. You can freeze a moving subject in an image or capture the movement of a subject in an image, both using shutter speed. Changing the shutter speed and playing around with shutter speed might bring about the a need for a tripod. Because your hands move and shake a little bit (especially when holding these heavy machines all day), a slower shutter speed might lead to a blurry photo, in an unintended way. To combat this, you need a shutter speed AT LEAST as fast as your focal length is long (if you are not using a tripod). This means that if a lens is 50 mm long, you need a shutter speed of at least 1/50. My lovely teacher of the day (video included!) recommends doubling the shutter speed. He says that if you have a 200 millimeter lens, you can use a shutter speed of 1/400. Doing this will definitely allow you to take the photo with your god given arms and hands, without the risk of shakiness.

My goal for this week, if not for tomorrow’s post, will be to take the camera out and about to practice in the wild! Tomorrow, my goal is to post some portrait attempts, without edits of course. This should be a fun challenge and inspire me to put into practice the concepts I am learning. I wonder who will be my portrait model 🤔.

My struggle this week has been keeping up with my reading and reading review goals. I have been blogging during my reading time, which is not ideal. I am serious about my reading goals as well as my writing goals. I want to have and do both, so my time management could be improved. I am doing okay, but my reading habits are not as regular as they could be. They are very sporadic and extreme, and I think this is part of the problem. If I could read for 1 hour before bed each night, I think I could manage all of my goals and still have plenty of time for other pursuits.