Day 30: Magnets Don’t Work Like That

My 500 Words

Yesterday I posted about manifestation and detailed a professional shift I wanted to make. I feel like I made a mistake in my approach, though. I basically asked universal forces to tell me what I should do or what I was supposed to do. However, more and more, I don’t think that we are SUPPOSED to do anything. I think we can choose what we want to do and life, and we can work towards it and try to attract it by matching the energy of that thing. I think.

I think (just my current unformed opinion) that we can decide what it is that we want and vibrate towards that thing and that thing towards us. I think that we can, at any time, change our minds as well. I don’t know that a belief in the existence of a grand plan serves me. I don’t want to be the victim of some predetermined destiny. I want to be the architect and creator of my life.

I was once in a bad relationship in which all of the stars aligned in such a way to present us as “meant to be.” In the end, it was a damaging relationship and not one that I would choose to be in. I felt trapped by the synchronicity that surrounded us. It was a strange feeling. When I broke free, it was amazing. I felt like a weight had been lifted and life was full of possibility when we broke up. I felt like I was in a soul prison, and I felt so sad that that universe seemed to want me to be with him.

I am not sure if that experience was just a necessary part of my journey or if I attracted it, but it made me skeptical of taking synchronicity. And maybe, that is a really good thing. I am in a great relationship now, one in which I feel supported and happy for the better part of my days. And, we are best friends. Even with that knowledge of the mind and experience coupled with the synchronicity that exists in our relationship, I keep an open mindset, with a tinge of caution and an understanding that I will be okay regardless of what transpires in our relationship.

Perhaps this is some energetic, spiritual lesson. Or, perhaps this is just life and maturity. In any case, follow your arrow where ever it points (Kasey Musgraves lyric shout out). And, if it doesn’t feel good anymore, stop doing it. Don’t give up at the first sight of hardships, of course. When I say “feel good”, I am talking about the soul stuff, not the momentary pains of being a person doing a thing. The universe may seem to tell you a thing, try it. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, don’t feel beholden to anything other than the experience of your soul telling you yes or no. There is no glory in fighting this voice. It brings pain, even if you don’t understand it. The unfortunate side is that the mind can also bring great pain, but it is pain we can generally look at as a thing that doesn’t have to happen. Soul pain is not a thought; it is just feeling. Feel your soul into light spaces, and I think it will make things better. But, what do I know? I just know me and my experience thus far. That is all. Happy Friday.

 

Day 23: Oprah Says Surrender

My 500 Words

My posts for the past few days have centered around surrender, particularly in regards to my professional path. Since having started to post about this, I am realizing (again) how important the concept and the action of surrender is.

In the past few months, I have started listening to Oprah’s podcasts. While I haven’t been an Oprah advocate in the past, I didn’t dislike her. I just didn’t think she was for me. I thought she was for older women with kids who needed company while they were home alone during the day. I wanted something uplifting to listen to during the day while walking to town, cleaning, etc. I instantly thought of Oprah, so that certainly says something about my impression of this wildly successful woman in our culture.

Oprah has been interviewing and speaking with Eckhart Tolle every week, along with other spiritual leaders, and it has been a welcome, necessary reminder of the need for presence and surrender. It has been freeing to remember that the suffering I can feel so acutely is actually often just the mind finding problems to solve, doing what it does best. It has also been empowering to remember that the mind is the servant or the assistant of the self. It is not the self. It is strange how such a small shift can make such a huge difference in contentment.

I explained in previous posts what I gained or lost, happily, by surrendering to the moment, to presence, or to the universe. I would like to make surrender a bigger part of my every day life and would like to challenge myself somehow to make this a habit, rather than an occasional happening. I am not certain how I will do this, but perhaps I can add 5 minutes of meditation, intention setting, and presence before or after something that I do everyday. I think I would function best if I can track success in some way, so maybe that will be blogging everyday still, even if I decrease the word count to 250? I am not sure what I will do. BUT, I have already added more presence to my days, but I can be more intentional, I think. I will have to bring it to the soul and see what she says 😜.

Sometimes I feel a heat or a panic when I act out of ego or from my mind. I want to feel peace even when the answers or steps are not clear. I want to have more fun, more joy, and even more laughter. I am very happy and everything I want could be mine if I gave in, surrendered. I do have blocks, though, and can feel a need for work in this area. Maybe, surrender is like a muscle and can be strengthened by using it. There is only one way to find out, I suppose. So, I will keep seeking out the message, through the teachers I have already found and potentially new ones. We will see what I find, and if this path feels good, maybe this will be my focus for the next 8 days of the #My500Words challenge. As a side note, I cannot believe I have almost completed this challenge. How epic!

Until next time, mates!

Day 22: Does surrender make a difference in your career?

My 500 Words, Professional

I wrote in my post yesterday about Eckhart Tolle’s perspective on presence in the your work or your career. And, most importantly, for those frenetic freaks out there like me, what surrender means for change!

I also mentioned yesterday  that I would let readers know some other ways that presence, mindfulness, and surrender has affected me in my professional search. First, surrender to the moment led to my dream (old dream :)) job working in Europe as a 22 year-old travel monster. Then, at age 24, I found myself traveling around Asia, MISERABLE, and paralyzed with fear and indecision regarding the future. I was really depressed, in hindsight to a worrisome level, and told G-O-D, in my saddest head voice, that I was done trying. I would allow whatever came next and I couldn’t fight life anymore. It was either that day or the next day, when I was pushed to go “tubing” so that another girl had someone to go with. We were in Vietnam on an island, and I fell off the tube into the water. When I emerged from the water, I could not walk on my right leg and had ripped the muscles in my leg. It was a miracle, in a bad way physically, but a necessary way mentally. I was on a plane home 1 week later…and on a healthier road to building a new life.

Approximately 1 year from that day, I found myself in another life predicament. I was really happy by this point and healthy. I had paid off debt and felt good about myself. I had interviewed for a flight attendant position with a major airline and was hired (at least to come to a 6 week training) for an Italian speaking role based out of the NY area likely. It was strange for me in a few ways. I was in some ways really excited. I would be traveling to Italy all of the time, which aligned with one part of me. I would also be paid like a big girl (kind of, but I would have benefits) and would finally get back out into the world. It felt like a positive step for me in the life development department, but it wasn’t what I wanted. But, I decided I had to do it.

As departure day approached, I packed my bags, said my goodbyes, and readied myself for a new adventure, even if it didn’t feel like my own. I got down on my hands and my knees and said to G-O-D that I had no clue if this was right for me. I wasn’t sure, but I was going to go. Then, I asked if the universe would intervene if this wasn’t my path. I said, “If this is my path, let’s do it. If it isn’t, I would be okay with that too…even if it means not knowing what is next.” And, I surrendered the outcome entirely. After this, I went about my business. Less than 48 hours before I was set to take off, I received a jumbled phone call from the airline. My offer was rescinded. They messed up and were sorry.

Surrendering took me from a path I didn’t really want but was certain to a path with a highway full of question marks leading in every direction. It was scary, but it was exciting. And, more importantly, I knew it was right.