Day 25: Anotha Day Anotha Dollarr

My 500 Words

Yesterday, I was challenged regarding a few of my goals. It was 9:00 PM and I hadn’t done my blog post or my workout for the day. I have completed 6 weeks of my workout, without skipping, and have also completed 25 days (as of today) of blogging 500 words every day. I was not going to let one day of procrastination stop me. I could have let it slide. I could have not done either one. Instead, I did them both… not my best…but not my worst. AND, I did it. I didn’t abandon my goal because it became difficult. Proud! I am happy about it, and it made me feel better instantly.

I have been doing a lot of listening and thinking about accessing the inner voice. And, it has been an interesting exercise for me. It has, however, made writing harder. It has made it harder to find a blog topic on anything else because I am thinking so much about this. I think it is making me better, though, and more aware. I like that.

I asked my inner voice questions last night and had an interesting experience surrounding it. I found the mind resisting my accessing this part of me and the ensuing panic. After a moment of accepting the panic, I felt a deeper knowing in my soul..in my heart. I knew the answer to this particular question was a “no”. It is an answer that I already knew but I find my mind resisting, maybe to help protect me from the world’s possibilities. My mind wants to keep me on my toes to protect me, but it doesn’t need to. It is OK as it is. I am OK and can trust myself, despite the messages from the world. I can’t control this. I can only accept it inside and trust.

In addition to personal questions I had, I feel a greater peace surrounding my work and my career. I can do whatever I want, but I don’t need to do anything. I can seek out experiences in life, but I do not have to be so attached to outcomes. The ego wants success and accolades. The inner spirit wants acceptance, experience, and even fun. I plan to dive deeper into this voice and try to ignore my scared mind, trying so hard to protect me. The podcast I have been listening to refers to the mind as a protective parent of an adult child, well meaning but sometimes unnecessary. The mind can help with decisions and options, just like the protective parent, but the ultimate decision ought to lie with the adult child. Like the adult child, I have to find ways to navigate my life without yearning for the approval of others or the approval of society. I am successful in this moment because I am. Nothing else is needed. If I do something else because I want to, that is great, but it will not make me greater or less than I already am in this moment. And, that is a beautiful and wonderful reality to live in.

Tootles!

 

 

Day 22: Does surrender make a difference in your career?

My 500 Words, Professional

I wrote in my post yesterday about Eckhart Tolle’s perspective on presence in the your work or your career. And, most importantly, for those frenetic freaks out there like me, what surrender means for change!

I also mentioned yesterday¬† that I would let readers know some other ways that presence, mindfulness, and surrender has affected me in my professional search. First, surrender to the moment led to my dream (old dream :)) job working in Europe as a 22 year-old travel monster. Then, at age 24, I found myself traveling around Asia, MISERABLE, and paralyzed with fear and indecision regarding the future. I was really depressed, in hindsight to a worrisome level, and told G-O-D, in my saddest head voice, that I was done trying. I would allow whatever came next and I couldn’t fight life anymore. It was either that day or the next day, when I was pushed to go “tubing” so that another girl had someone to go with. We were in Vietnam on an island, and I fell off the tube into the water. When I emerged from the water, I could not walk on my right leg and had ripped the muscles in my leg. It was a miracle, in a bad way physically, but a necessary way mentally. I was on a plane home 1 week later…and on a healthier road to building a new life.

Approximately 1 year from that day, I found myself in another life predicament. I was really happy by this point and healthy. I had paid off debt and felt good about myself. I had interviewed for a flight attendant position with a major airline and was hired (at least to come to a 6 week training) for an Italian speaking role based out of the NY area likely. It was strange for me in a few ways. I was in some ways really excited. I would be traveling to Italy all of the time, which aligned with one part of me. I would also be paid like a big girl (kind of, but I would have benefits) and would finally get back out into the world. It felt like a positive step for me in the life development department, but it wasn’t what I wanted. But, I decided I had to do it.

As departure day approached, I packed my bags, said my goodbyes, and readied myself for a new adventure, even if it didn’t feel like my own. I got down on my hands and my knees and said to G-O-D that I had no clue if this was right for me. I wasn’t sure, but I was going to go. Then, I asked if the universe would intervene if this wasn’t my path. I said, “If this is my path, let’s do it. If it isn’t, I would be okay with that too…even if it means not knowing what is next.” And, I surrendered the outcome entirely. After this, I went about my business. Less than 48 hours before I was set to take off, I received a jumbled phone call from the airline. My offer was rescinded. They messed up and were sorry.

Surrendering took me from a path I didn’t really want but was certain to a path with a highway full of question marks leading in every direction. It was scary, but it was exciting. And, more importantly, I knew it was right.

Day 21: What is a Meaningful Career?

My 500 Words, Professional

I have become a pretty avid listener of Eckhart Tolle. He has some great advice that resonates with me, so perhaps it will resonate with you.

  1. Start with where you are. Accept the moment.
  2. Surrender. TRULY surrender to presence. Be present in every moment.
  3. Do one thing at a time at work, bringing in the possibility for space, whether it is a breath or meditation.
  4. Be grateful for the opportunity to be bored and the opportunity to practice presence.
  5. Do this and it might bring a greater sense of aliveness.
  6. Align yourself with the moment and power begins to flow through you.
  7. First the power flows into your routine activities, your relationships with colleagues, and often then change may come.

 

I love this! I have found this to always be true in my life, change has come after I have accepted exactly where I am, what I am doing, who I am loving, etc. Resistance feels like the winner’s decision, like you are telling the universe that you are better than the moment. In any case, you are making a value judgement on the moment, but the moment just is! You can’t argue with being! But, we try, and, heavens knows, I try, too!

I have done this with every job and have found that it stifles progress in my job, creativity, relationships, and just personal happiness, honestly. I cannot help but recall when I was 22 and working as a waitress. I was living with my parents after college, working at a bar/restaurant, and plotting for the future. My oh my, so much future plotting! After almost 9 months of obsessive planning and feeling trapped– the horror! Alas, I started to read more, to settle into my life, and to trust that it wasn’t forever but it was right now. I started to worry less, have more fun, build stronger relationships. I was lighter, albeit still dreaming and hoping but with excitement instead of panic.

Then, one day, right out of what seemed like the blue, a job I had applied to sent an email asking if anyone could be in Europe by Monday…as an intern had backed out of an amazing travel job opportunity. Without panic or worry, I responded that I could. The next day, we scheduled a job interview and I was on a plane the next morning. It was crazy and unexpected, but totally natural. I had aligned with my power and with the moment. Change flowed naturally through me and around me.

It was a life changing job for me, but it, too, had an expiration date. I have been trying to tap into this force of change since it happened, often without success. After the travel job, I was lost. I had lost my presence and my power. I had lost my way and found a lot of sadness had found its way into my heart and mind, originating both from the external and internal forces of life.

I will share more ways that I have found re-alignment with myself next time, but what I can share that is the theme is that the work is constant. Like losing weight, you don’t lose 30 pounds and then go back to your old ways without gaining the weight back. You don’t align yourself with presence and the power of the moment for one moment and then never again. It really is a constant practice, and practicing this more and solidifying better habits that root me to the now is my goal for 2019.