Day 39: From Anxious to Aligned

My 500 Words

Today has been a strange day, but it isn’t one I can complain about. I woke up and had a slow morning, followed by a lot of thinking about the spiritual domain and trying to connect to it with meditation or alignment. To be honest, I find it exhausting listening to this stuff. I found myself feeling more anxious during and after listening to all of this chatter meant to elevate. I was tired.

I wonder if it is possible to overthink or overdue this stuff. I think I need to learn less and meditate/align more. I am overdosing on knowledge and perspective, but I am not in the practice. The overtly spiritual aspect is not so appealing to me. I like the idea of energy and vibration. That works for me, but I don’t care (right now) to get too deep in the weeds. I want to learn how to control my mind better and to manifest my desire, but I don’t want to get too stuck in the craziness. My obsessive mind can sometimes make the worst of those situations. I want to think less, not more.

This is something that can be accomplished. I just want to be present. When I am in the present moment, the benefits are palpable. All sensual aspects of my life are better when I am just there, not there thinking and analyzing. I am not sure why I think I am helping anything by analyzing it to death. Presence is key.

I did finally get my hands on a paperback copy of Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth.” I plan to keep it around to keep me present and wanted a paper copy so that I could highlight and note as I wanted. I think it will be a positive thing! I have been listening to Oprah and Eckhart talk about the book, so I look forward to the chance to read it for myself. Hopefully it doesn’t cause my nice man-friend to think me a crazy person…or at least a crazier person than he already thinks I am! Too bad!

But, one great thing that happened to me today was that I found a ski jacket for a great price online! I have been hemming and hawing about it for weeks, and I finally pulled the trigger! I am excited to get it and, assuming it works well, get a chance to ski in it… It will be fun to layer up without bringing along a puffy coat and a rain jacket combination. Great things happening over here!

In the week coming up, I will be saying ciao to my honey for the weekend and a different kind of ciao to my mother, who will be in town visiting me. That means lots of driving around, playing host, and getting to experience some new things myself! I would like to get down to see “Garden of the Gods” and Colorado Springs. So, hopefully my madre and myself can have a little fun and experience some new things together.

Until then, stay present and stay positive! XO

Day 34: Fresh & Alive

My 500 Words

Today is day 34. What a day it has been.  I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah discuss presence and the importance of staying in the moment. And, I have been. It hasn’t taken my “bad” day away, but it has helped in ways I suppose. I am dog sitting and finding myself so frustrated with the dog. In any case, I realized that what I was feeling was just frustrated. And, the dog happened to be near me all day. I was projecting everything onto the poor, innocent albeit needy doggo. Luckily, I didn’t let this overtake TOO much of my day, but it got enough of it. I took the doggo on a walk, and it didn’t make everything better but it tired me out. Being tired is sometimes as good as it gets. And, that is pretty okay too!

Today I am going to examine what it is that I want in a career. Not in the way that I normally do. This time, I am going to examine how I want to feel in that career. I don’t know what I am doing honestly, but it might be fun to give this a little baby try.

I want to feel awake in my career. I wake up in the morning and know my soul is going to be aglow all day. I feel enraptured…like a pastry chef….like a surfer. I feel at ease but excited; I breathe. You could say that I am alert. I can go into a flow without being interrupted. I am myself.

Alas, this thought process led me into a nap, which was perhaps far more of what I needed at that moment than to figure out what I want to as a career for the rest of my life. It is crazy how we think we need to know everything. One thing my nap taught me is that my bad mood probably had a lot to do with the lack of sleep I received last night. It taught me that everything is perfect right now, and it taught me that naps are cool if you allow them. That is one thing I never dive into on the blog…allowing. Allowing is important. I wonder if I “allow” in my life. I sometimes have a hard time napping because my mind is racing, but when I relax and allow, I can nap with the best of them.

Allowing. It is a new concept in this new world of thinking that I have entered. It is one that I understand in some ways, and in others, I am totally confused. Sometimes, when I try to manifest certain things, I want to retain too much control, or the illusion of it. When I allow, I let things unfold in new and infinitely more interesting ways. Maybe allowing and letting go are similar. I am letting go of having a say in how something happens…I allow it to unfold in a way I never imagined possible.

Allow today, mates!