Day 40: Juuuuust Breatheeeeee

My 500 Words

Today I was introduced to the term “resonant breathing” because I joined a yoga challenge. The yoga challenge sent an email reminding us that it is the first day of the challenge and included an advertisement for a breathing app and a blurb about resonant breathing. It was cool to learn about resonant breathing, and give it a name. I have always just referred to it as “deep breathing,” but I like that it has a name and a clear definition.

Resonant breathing is the slowing of breath to 3-7 breaths per minute and effectively changing and regulating the autonomic nervous system, along with other systems of the body. People who do this regularly are opening themselves up to a host of potential benefits, from the brain to the heart to the lungs. As I read the article this morning, I took a few resonant breaths and felt really good afterwards. It was a brilliant start to the day and even helped me to move my tired tush out of bed.

Today, I completed by first day of a 21-day yoga challenge with Wanderlust. I found an issue cropping up that I noticed during a recent meditation. My jaw was just aching…so much so that I found much of the flow hard to follow. How could I focus on breathing while also tending to the crazy stiff and sore feeling in my jaw?!

Now, I am no stranger to jaw pain. I had TMJ as a child that was so bad I wouldn’t be able to open my mouth to chew or speak. I would slide crackers in at lunch in 8th grade and let them dissolve. It was bizarre. Then, I made the big girl move at 18 years young to bite the bullet and get jaw surgery… a surgery where they would break my jaw, re-align it, and then tack it back on with some hardware. The pain during that procedure, the procedure that included a cute little wiring up of my BRACES. That is right. I elected to get braces as an 18 year old to put my jaw issues behind me.

Naturally, when my jaw hurts, I get slightly panicked and worry that I am going to have to replay my old experiences or something somehow worse. The memories of slurping pediasure through a straw while crying are enough to last a lifetime. So, I took to the web and found what was clearly the culprit and thank god! I have been lifting weight regularly for the past 2 weeks and working out. This includes a lot of strain on my neck, something I internally complain about frequently throughout my workout. Bless. My neck is just tight. This is a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, but PHEW! I can stretch and love my neck back to health and (hopefully) eliminate my jaw pain. STAY TUNED for updates on this super sexy and super interesting part of my life. Perhaps this yoga challenge will help get me started on a more holistic stretching/yogic routine. Namaste.

Day 39: From Anxious to Aligned

My 500 Words

Today has been a strange day, but it isn’t one I can complain about. I woke up and had a slow morning, followed by a lot of thinking about the spiritual domain and trying to connect to it with meditation or alignment. To be honest, I find it exhausting listening to this stuff. I found myself feeling more anxious during and after listening to all of this chatter meant to elevate. I was tired.

I wonder if it is possible to overthink or overdue this stuff. I think I need to learn less and meditate/align more. I am overdosing on knowledge and perspective, but I am not in the practice. The overtly spiritual aspect is not so appealing to me. I like the idea of energy and vibration. That works for me, but I don’t care (right now) to get too deep in the weeds. I want to learn how to control my mind better and to manifest my desire, but I don’t want to get too stuck in the craziness. My obsessive mind can sometimes make the worst of those situations. I want to think less, not more.

This is something that can be accomplished. I just want to be present. When I am in the present moment, the benefits are palpable. All sensual aspects of my life are better when I am just there, not there thinking and analyzing. I am not sure why I think I am helping anything by analyzing it to death. Presence is key.

I did finally get my hands on a paperback copy of Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth.” I plan to keep it around to keep me present and wanted a paper copy so that I could highlight and note as I wanted. I think it will be a positive thing! I have been listening to Oprah and Eckhart talk about the book, so I look forward to the chance to read it for myself. Hopefully it doesn’t cause my nice man-friend to think me a crazy person…or at least a crazier person than he already thinks I am! Too bad!

But, one great thing that happened to me today was that I found a ski jacket for a great price online! I have been hemming and hawing about it for weeks, and I finally pulled the trigger! I am excited to get it and, assuming it works well, get a chance to ski in it… It will be fun to layer up without bringing along a puffy coat and a rain jacket combination. Great things happening over here!

In the week coming up, I will be saying ciao to my honey for the weekend and a different kind of ciao to my mother, who will be in town visiting me. That means lots of driving around, playing host, and getting to experience some new things myself! I would like to get down to see “Garden of the Gods” and Colorado Springs. So, hopefully my madre and myself can have a little fun and experience some new things together.

Until then, stay present and stay positive! XO

Day 38: Supersonic Man

My 500 Words

It is day 38! And, it 10:00 PM and I almost forgot to post today. What a tragedy that would have been. Luckily, I remembered with enough gas in the tank to post today.

My day was emotional and brilliant, ending with a very exhausted me. My man-friend and I awoke at approximately 5am and drove through crazy busy traffic to go skiing in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. Two hours into our drive, we had a bit of a row, despite listening to an audio book about transcending the issues of the mind and ego. Maybe it needs some time to set in? Either way, sleepiness and an understandable hatred of a traffic and poor driving conditions made for a stressful and long drive. But, once we were set and ready to get skiing, the problems of the morning quickly faded away.

We had a great day out on the slopes. As a beginner, I was pretty nervous to get started after a long break the past few months. Getting out there again was exhilarating. What I was doing was basic, but it felt good! I thought a lot about mindfulness today and enjoyed the opportunity to practice being fully in the moment…or to not practice and it just happen out of necessity. It does leave you feeling happier and more alive.

By the time we made it home, we were absolutely knackered. We slept, ran some errands, watched “Bohemian Rhapsody”, and now we are watching GBBS while I write this damn thing! Ah very hard to fit this task into a full day. It won’t be a good post or a post about anything other than the fact that I have to write this post. But I am doing it! And, I am well over half-way. Crushing it.

I noticed during my day skiing that I often talk to myself when alone and skiing…especially during difficult parts. I tell myself that I am “crushing it” or that I should “enjoy it” or that I am “brilliant.” Hilarious but helpful. I am just out there cheering myself on. How lovely. Much preferred to seeking perfection or acceptance from others. I am accepting myself as I am, where I am…and it is frick’n awesome. Good work, mate.

I have realized today that I can work better to accept my life as purposeful and passionate. People in my life might feel like they need to placate me with fun or activity in order to satisfy my lust for new experiences or time-fillers in the worst case. Perhaps I can be high maintenance to others, and I can take greater responsibility for my own happiness in this regard. Only I am responsible for my joy and how I find purpose in this life. I think that I can make this more obvious to those around me and even take greater hold of this aspect of my life.

I seek to live in a world where I have a purposeful daily life, brimming with joy, laughter, and activity. In truth, I already have this and can accept it as mine right now and every day. How lucky!

Day 37: Walking into Transcendence

My 500 Words

I am doing well today. I wasn’t always doing well, but I just got home from a great walk, a way that allowed me and my boyfriend to transcend. What is transcendence? Transcendence is, according to dictionary.com, existence or experience beyond the normal or physical level. So, how did my walk allow me to transcend. Great question.

My boyfriend was in an agitated state, and I wanted to take a walk (actually I always want to take a walk). So, we went together to work through his upset. It worked, but, as usual, not the way one might expect. As we walked and talked, he asked me an important question, “Am I always angry?”. Now, I am a smart lady. I wasn’t about to start an argument, so I told him that he is often affected in a way that is negative by life events that he cannot control or avoid. He thought for a while, and then we continued on talking and walking.

As we both talked about our blocks and better ways to manage anger, we found ourselves walking right into a higher state of consciousness. We started talking about how when we change our perspective, we can be separate from our angst about a situation and how changing our mindsets can actually change our life. I talked about my job and how I can often talk myself into being happy, and he noted the same. If we give up our attachment to life working out in the way we think it should, we can often gain a great deal and live happier lives. Not so easily done, but also not often said. So, that was really great.

We ended the walk with honest talks about how we want to approach our future. It was freeing in a lot of ways. I often feel like he is ready to put down roots while I am searching for a new pair of wings on the internet. We are alike in so many ways, but while he craves structure and finality, I like open-ended and undefined. Often, I am, by appearances, avoiding a topic of conversation, when in reality it is just totally not on my radar! I guess it is good to be opposites in some ways.

He keeps me grounded to the facts, and I push him to leave the door open for possibility. I don’t know if I actually do this, but it sounds so nice and dreamy! I wish all of life could be put into a little box, like a cute sentence, and it would describe its amazing complexity. Wait a second…no I don’t! Life is complex and sometimes overwhelming, but holy crap, it can be so amazing and exciting if we can stay open to its wonders.

Maybe I can’t sum up a relationship or the universe into a sweet tagline, but I don’t want to. Maybe I will keep trying or maybe I will give up. What I do know is that good things are on the horizon, and I can’t wait to see what they are!

Day 35: Why do I look outside?

My 500 Words

Why do I look outside when everything I need is within? Why do I want someone else to validate my idea before I commit? Why? Is this human? Is this normal? Is this madness?

Potentially yes to all of these questions.

An important lesson that I keep having to learn over and over again is that nothing is, or more importantly, has to be permanent. Life can be playful. Life can be fun! You can go in one direction because it feels good only to change your mind and turn around. There are no rules. There is just energy and love.

I am more playful and powerful than I can even imagine. My ability to play, explore, discover, and innovate is expansive and limitless. Like, holy guacamole…if I want to become a UX designer or a fashion designer or a frick’n rug maker, I can! AND, if I decide that at some point I want to stop…I can do that to. The limits of our lives are only limited by us.

On a different but similar note, however, maybe the point is that the more aligned we are with our true nature when we choose our path, the more spiritual success, fulfillment, and impact we can make. That…I believe to be the truth. How do we find our truest nature from which to make decisions?

We play! We try things on and out. Like children, we don’t yet know but it doesn’t matter. We are ourselves…the other stuff is a mask. We can try on any mask we want because who we are remains steadfast. If and when we find something that resonates in us, we can try that to. We can probably find our paths in a myriad of ways, but why not dance and play into it? If given the choice, I would almost always rather dance and play than obsess and suffer. And, just like that I found a new mantra.

Life Mantra:

I play into each day, finding what feels good and true and following it through.

I don’t know if I have had a mantra, per se, but I like having a saying that fits the moment of my life. For example, when I was leaving my job and totally unsure about what to do, I started to recite, “trust the process” to myself. It was meaningful and got me through some tougher days.

So today, I play every day…and I follow my interests…and I follow them through. This is the 30 year old me coming into action. I think getting older is going to be a great thing for me. As a younger Grace, I was filled with all of the same energy, hope, and dreams but didn’t have the follow through yet. I am getting stronger in this field every day, and, when I focus, I accomplish great feats. And, I will continue to. I can’t wait to see what I can do with my playful spirit as I grow in follow-through. Lookout world 🙂

Big waves 🌊

Day 34: Fresh & Alive

My 500 Words

Today is day 34. What a day it has been.  I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah discuss presence and the importance of staying in the moment. And, I have been. It hasn’t taken my “bad” day away, but it has helped in ways I suppose. I am dog sitting and finding myself so frustrated with the dog. In any case, I realized that what I was feeling was just frustrated. And, the dog happened to be near me all day. I was projecting everything onto the poor, innocent albeit needy doggo. Luckily, I didn’t let this overtake TOO much of my day, but it got enough of it. I took the doggo on a walk, and it didn’t make everything better but it tired me out. Being tired is sometimes as good as it gets. And, that is pretty okay too!

Today I am going to examine what it is that I want in a career. Not in the way that I normally do. This time, I am going to examine how I want to feel in that career. I don’t know what I am doing honestly, but it might be fun to give this a little baby try.

I want to feel awake in my career. I wake up in the morning and know my soul is going to be aglow all day. I feel enraptured…like a pastry chef….like a surfer. I feel at ease but excited; I breathe. You could say that I am alert. I can go into a flow without being interrupted. I am myself.

Alas, this thought process led me into a nap, which was perhaps far more of what I needed at that moment than to figure out what I want to as a career for the rest of my life. It is crazy how we think we need to know everything. One thing my nap taught me is that my bad mood probably had a lot to do with the lack of sleep I received last night. It taught me that everything is perfect right now, and it taught me that naps are cool if you allow them. That is one thing I never dive into on the blog…allowing. Allowing is important. I wonder if I “allow” in my life. I sometimes have a hard time napping because my mind is racing, but when I relax and allow, I can nap with the best of them.

Allowing. It is a new concept in this new world of thinking that I have entered. It is one that I understand in some ways, and in others, I am totally confused. Sometimes, when I try to manifest certain things, I want to retain too much control, or the illusion of it. When I allow, I let things unfold in new and infinitely more interesting ways. Maybe allowing and letting go are similar. I am letting go of having a say in how something happens…I allow it to unfold in a way I never imagined possible.

Allow today, mates!

Day 33: Peace & Stillness> Desperation

My 500 Words

Each day that I write, I find myself negating something that I wrote the previous day. That isn’t that cool! But, I find myself here today. So, a few posts ago, I said I was going to manifest pink elephants or a yellow Volkswagen. I was trying to manipulate the universe into telling me a secret about myself…instead of asking and trusting myself. The truth is, I did see pink elephants today on a pair of pajama pants, but I don’t care. The truth is that I would like to have more creativity and explore more creative outlets. This doesn’t necessarily mean that my job has to be creative. When did I start equating my job with my sole source of happiness? Oh, right. When I was like 9 years old, haha. This has been a bit of a struggle for me for many years.

So, for now…I am going to stay in my job or at least make no active pursuits to change my job until I explore my creative side in my regular life for a while first. Or maybe not. That might be a promise I can’t make and that I don’t mean. Maybe what I will do is stop worrying about everything and putting a label or a name on it. Maybe…I will not even do that. Maybe, I will just be, as I am right now without trying. How tough is this presence stuff, huh?! I feel like I should always be striving, trying, and working towards something. But, that can just lead me around in circles. That is not the life I want.

The life I want is big, beautiful and inspired. I can go in one direction and change my mind. I can do multiple things at once and take big, fun risks and exjoy the peace and quite of certainty in the moment. I do not have to accept a future I do not want, but I do have the accept the moment, the only thing that matters…the present moment. Why is that so hard to do? The mind is wired to think about the future, based on the past. It is so good, but it can also be so bad. It can leave us spinning around in the what-ifs and the what-could-haves. I need to let those go. Or, rather, I need to get back to the moment, which lets those go naturally. All we have is now. The beautiful now.

I don’t want to wonder if things are where they should be. There is no should be. There is only now. Maybe at 29, I should be somewhere else according to the mind. But, according to the present, I am exactly where I was meant to be. All good things flow from this moment. In fact, everything flows from this moment, period. I don’t want to brand. I just want to be. I don’t want to market. I just want to flow. Flow. Flow. Flow. Like the river, sometimes fast and sometimes slow, occasionally high and occasionally low. Always in flow ❤ .

Day 32: A new day and a new challenge

My 500 Words, Professional

It is day 32, which means that I have accomplished my initial goal of writing 500 words a day for 31 days. I did it! It also means that I cultivated a habit during those 30 days and am now continuing to write. I have extended the goal from 31 days to 50 days. So, the journey continues. I have debated throughout this process whether I should try to focus my messaging to a certain idea or topic throughout, but I like this free form style due to the fact that I have to write every day. In order to stay engaged, I need freedom to switch it up and just write about what feels interesting or good. So, that is what I am going to continue to do.

This weekend has been tough on my body. I am not sure if I am drinking more than normal or just fighting off sickness, but I am so tired! I feel like I need some R&R for the next week or so, and I am so excited for it. The older I get, the less alcohol and me mix. We are slowly going our separate ways. Also, I am staying at someone else’s house with the dog in our bedroom. It is not sitting well with my soul.

In any case, tomorrow will be a new day, and I have high hopes to get back to my healthy, normal self after some sleep and better eating and drinking habits. Balance! Such a struggle to strike it!

On to more pressing matters, like my career. I have been thinking a lot about moving in a more creative direction and trying my hand in a new space. I am interested by light, color, and how it makes you feel or think about a thing. I am just in an exploratory mode when it comes to this, so we will see! But, I would love to have more creativity in my professional life and to work on projects that excite me a bit more than I am currently. But, I also love health and the promotion of wellness. If I could combine these, which I think I can, that would be a cool next step.

I wonder how I could manifest the next step in a way that was meaningful and cool. It isn’t a blue duck, so it is hard to say. I guess I would love to turn this blog into a health and design blog, just to promote those ideas and designs. This could mean anything. It wouldn’t be limited to design in spaces but open to clothing, accessories, art, digital arts, film and more. Am I making any sense?

Basically, I want to explore more about how design can make our lives better, like actually better. Also, maybe it doesn’t. It could be the exploration of this as well. Well, I am just kind of musing for now on what could be. Maybe my next blog will be about the interaction of these two things. Maybe it will not, and I will move on yet again!

Until tomorrow, we shall not know. Tootles amigos!

Day 30: Magnets Don’t Work Like That

My 500 Words

Yesterday I posted about manifestation and detailed a professional shift I wanted to make. I feel like I made a mistake in my approach, though. I basically asked universal forces to tell me what I should do or what I was supposed to do. However, more and more, I don’t think that we are SUPPOSED to do anything. I think we can choose what we want to do and life, and we can work towards it and try to attract it by matching the energy of that thing. I think.

I think (just my current unformed opinion) that we can decide what it is that we want and vibrate towards that thing and that thing towards us. I think that we can, at any time, change our minds as well. I don’t know that a belief in the existence of a grand plan serves me. I don’t want to be the victim of some predetermined destiny. I want to be the architect and creator of my life.

I was once in a bad relationship in which all of the stars aligned in such a way to present us as “meant to be.” In the end, it was a damaging relationship and not one that I would choose to be in. I felt trapped by the synchronicity that surrounded us. It was a strange feeling. When I broke free, it was amazing. I felt like a weight had been lifted and life was full of possibility when we broke up. I felt like I was in a soul prison, and I felt so sad that that universe seemed to want me to be with him.

I am not sure if that experience was just a necessary part of my journey or if I attracted it, but it made me skeptical of taking synchronicity. And maybe, that is a really good thing. I am in a great relationship now, one in which I feel supported and happy for the better part of my days. And, we are best friends. Even with that knowledge of the mind and experience coupled with the synchronicity that exists in our relationship, I keep an open mindset, with a tinge of caution and an understanding that I will be okay regardless of what transpires in our relationship.

Perhaps this is some energetic, spiritual lesson. Or, perhaps this is just life and maturity. In any case, follow your arrow where ever it points (Kasey Musgraves lyric shout out). And, if it doesn’t feel good anymore, stop doing it. Don’t give up at the first sight of hardships, of course. When I say “feel good”, I am talking about the soul stuff, not the momentary pains of being a person doing a thing. The universe may seem to tell you a thing, try it. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, don’t feel beholden to anything other than the experience of your soul telling you yes or no. There is no glory in fighting this voice. It brings pain, even if you don’t understand it. The unfortunate side is that the mind can also bring great pain, but it is pain we can generally look at as a thing that doesn’t have to happen. Soul pain is not a thought; it is just feeling. Feel your soul into light spaces, and I think it will make things better. But, what do I know? I just know me and my experience thus far. That is all. Happy Friday.

 

Day 29: Blue Duck Manifestation on Fleek

My 500 Words

I mentioned in my post yesterday that I was working to manifest a blue duck…any kind of blue duck in any kind of format. I just needed it to be called to my attention. It had to be obvious to me that there was a blue duck in my life as a result of this phenomenon. I did all the things. I thought about it, visualized seeing it, imagined how happy I would be, thanked the world for showing me this duck, and then accepted that I might not see it and that was okay. I did all of that. I had some doubts for a while and then my beautiful ADD brain forgot about it after a few hours. Life went on.

I just started watching “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” on Amazon Prime and have been enjoying it. Last night was my second night diving in and my mind was pretty absorbed in the show. In an emotional scene, she and her ex husband were having words in his new living room and she was livid about the decor. Then, she walks over to the mantle and picks up a decorative ornament and yells, “DUCKS!” or something to that effect. Then, she took the BLUE duck and slammed it back down on the mantle. The duck became a centerpiece of the scene. She kept going back and picking up the duck and waving it around threatening to smash it, I think. In any case, there was my blue duck.

It NEVER ceases to amaze me how the mind can go through every scenario of what can happen and be totally wrong or negligent even. I thought of SO MANY bizarre ways that I might see a blue duck…I thought of crazy, outlandish things happening to me. This doesn’t seem to the energetic ways of the universe. The path of least resistance seems to work. It is strange, though. The blue duck would have existed in that show whether I had asked to see one or not. Does my intuition exist within the same time constraints? Could my intuition see that my future involved the visualization a blue duck? Am I in control? Or, did I draw that duck to me, with my energetic call-out? Did I put into effect a series of possible blue duck sightings and me feeling pulled to continue watching the popular Amazon series was just part of that manifestation? Did that last sentence even make sense???!

I have no idea about all of it. But, I would like to continue this experimentation. Some of the talks have been a little too out there for me. They have pushed juuuuuust past what I either can believe or am ready to believe so I may be taking a break from everything except manifestation, mindfulness and the present moment, plenty of woo woo left to work with. What should I try to manifest next? Also, do you think I am a nut job? Same! It is ok, but maybe we can have some fun and experience some magic if we are lucky.

In any case, I have been contemplating a professional shift…as always. But, I want to be more intentional than I have in the past. Maybe this is a mistake. I have internal inklings that my next move should be to a more creative path, perhaps involving design in some capacity. That is really all I have so far, and I may not even have that. SO, if my next step in life involves design or being more creative, I want to manifest a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. If it isn’t or if I should stop thinking about it and focus on my current job, I want to manifest a pink elephant. Alright, there is some craziness to use against me in a court of law someday.

I will keep you updated and do all of the work that I need to in the meantime. Until tomorrow, friends!