Day 26: Alignment, Huh?

My 500 Words

Alignment. It has a word I have been hearing about a lot lately in my search for meaning…or rather my search to get more of what I “want” out of my life.

Dictionary.com defines it has “arrangement in a straight line, or in correct or appropriate relative positions” or “a position of agreement or alliance.”

In the world of manifestation and soul-stuff, alignment tends to mean the state in which we can better hear and respond to our inner voice or intuition. Is this what it means to you? I am just a learner here and figuring it all out as I go. As the story goes, everyone finds alignment differently. For some, it is through exercise or work, and for others, it might be through sipping a favorite tea and journaling. The point is that you are more receptive and aware while in this state of alignment. I am not sure when I am most aligned. I have felt great alignment, I think, after some yoga classes, meditation, writing, walking, or even running. I have felt it after listening to a great talk or reading a poem. I am not sure in this moment what that is. Maybe that is because, as Jess Lively said on her podcast that I listened to today, your optimum alignment is shifting and changing as you shift and change.
Our intuition leads us to the expression of ourselves that is optimized in our direction of growth, so our optimum state of alignment is constantly shifting as we grow. How beautiful but also how frustrating. Like exercise, like diet, and like relationships, there is no stagnancy in this life. We either keep growing or get lost.
While this resonates with what I know is true, my mind and maybe even deeper parts of me feel tired by this reality. I have found the optimum moment in relationships, and it feels like we are at the peak of this place we can stay forever. Then, something changes, whether quickly or slowly, and we are back at a brand new square one that we aren’t sure how to navigate from. Perhaps this is why there is divorce and breakups, and perhaps this is why it can be an almost natural progression for some people. They loved. They grew. They tried to make it work, but their growth didn’t align with the relationship. They moved on.
In this moment, I am not married or divorced, but I am committed to making many relationships in my life work. I guess this is why people say that shit takes work, even the relationship with yourself. I have found my, or what I thought was my, peak self many times over. Then, I change and have to relearn how to nourish myself optimally. In many ways, I am grateful for this surprise and the journeys it can lead to. I guess this is how the soul is exciting, not boring and content like the mind says it is.
Growth means new experiences, and that is never boring.

 

Day 22: Does surrender make a difference in your career?

My 500 Words, Professional

I wrote in my post yesterday about Eckhart Tolle’s perspective on presence in the your work or your career. And, most importantly, for those frenetic freaks out there like me, what surrender means for change!

I also mentioned yesterday¬† that I would let readers know some other ways that presence, mindfulness, and surrender has affected me in my professional search. First, surrender to the moment led to my dream (old dream :)) job working in Europe as a 22 year-old travel monster. Then, at age 24, I found myself traveling around Asia, MISERABLE, and paralyzed with fear and indecision regarding the future. I was really depressed, in hindsight to a worrisome level, and told G-O-D, in my saddest head voice, that I was done trying. I would allow whatever came next and I couldn’t fight life anymore. It was either that day or the next day, when I was pushed to go “tubing” so that another girl had someone to go with. We were in Vietnam on an island, and I fell off the tube into the water. When I emerged from the water, I could not walk on my right leg and had ripped the muscles in my leg. It was a miracle, in a bad way physically, but a necessary way mentally. I was on a plane home 1 week later…and on a healthier road to building a new life.

Approximately 1 year from that day, I found myself in another life predicament. I was really happy by this point and healthy. I had paid off debt and felt good about myself. I had interviewed for a flight attendant position with a major airline and was hired (at least to come to a 6 week training) for an Italian speaking role based out of the NY area likely. It was strange for me in a few ways. I was in some ways really excited. I would be traveling to Italy all of the time, which aligned with one part of me. I would also be paid like a big girl (kind of, but I would have benefits) and would finally get back out into the world. It felt like a positive step for me in the life development department, but it wasn’t what I wanted. But, I decided I had to do it.

As departure day approached, I packed my bags, said my goodbyes, and readied myself for a new adventure, even if it didn’t feel like my own. I got down on my hands and my knees and said to G-O-D that I had no clue if this was right for me. I wasn’t sure, but I was going to go. Then, I asked if the universe would intervene if this wasn’t my path. I said, “If this is my path, let’s do it. If it isn’t, I would be okay with that too…even if it means not knowing what is next.” And, I surrendered the outcome entirely. After this, I went about my business. Less than 48 hours before I was set to take off, I received a jumbled phone call from the airline. My offer was rescinded. They messed up and were sorry.

Surrendering took me from a path I didn’t really want but was certain to a path with a highway full of question marks leading in every direction. It was scary, but it was exciting. And, more importantly, I knew it was right.