Shame on you, not-knower!

Professional

I have toiled with the idea of becoming a professional of just about every field I have been exposed to. I hear about something cool and spend way too much time writing my story in the future…as a preparation for future interviews or documentary films 😉 about my great success.

My boyfriend and I were discussing today how we can get these stories in our minds that frame our experience. We can be told once that we aren’t organized enough, and then live our entire lives thinking we are not as organized as we should be, regardless of our level of organization. I was told when I was young that I could never have a regular job. I was told I wouldn’t be able to deal with office cultures or climbing the ladder. I would take personality tests that told me I might never fit into the world professionally. I had been internally and externally reinforcing the idea that me and work did not mesh, and we never would. I never thought to question this either. In actuality, I can work in any setting if I decide to, and I am able to fit into the professional world as well as the next guy or gal. I haven’t always known that, but it is true. And, it is crazy how much of my life I spent thinking that I couldn’t. Perhaps, it would be better to re-frame CAN and say ENJOY or WANT or even BE SATISFIED. But, I digress.

Maybe I want to be a UX designer or a bank manager, or maybe I really really don’t. Maybe I want to learn French and become a French teacher or a cooking teacher or a professional financial LEACH! Maybe…but probably not.

The truth is I don’t know. I have been so ashamed to admit that I don’t know that I have created a million narratives and worked really hard to believe them. I have primarily done this out of shame. I either took on the shame myself or allowed someone else to shame me for not having it all figured out yet. Well, you know what? I have NO CLUE, but I don’t want to feel shame surrounding it. It just makes it worse.

 

 

 

Career Positivity

Professional

In an age of women stepping up in the career department and gaining confidence in unprecedented ways historically, I must admit I am not quite there. I suffer from quite the inferiority complex in my professional pursuits and dreams.

I found a website that claims it can help people deal with this using the law of attraction, and it has a step-by-step list.

Step 1: Determine who you feel inferior to.

The article then lists the most frequent culprits of this feeling. The list includes those who have impressive, dynamic careers. I am not sure if this is exactly what it is, but I think it fits the bill enough to display the feeling.

Step 2: Stop worrying what others will think.

I am likely as guilty as the next person on this matter, but I am more guilty of assuming that I am innately flawed than that people are judging me. If anything, I think that they are finding out! “Oh no! They know that I might not be born to do this job that I ONLY do to make money!”

Step 3: Build Confidence

The article suggests that we treat ourselves better, do what we truly love, and act confidently. Those suggestions are pretty vague, unfortunately. But, sure, overall I totally agree. I am a generally confident person, but I could admittedly benefit from building professional confidence specifically. This is a general idea that I can keep in mind until I can seek out building professional confidence as a separate topic possibly.

Step 4: Replace negative talk with self-affirming talk

This idea is what drove me to write this blog post in the first place! I had a moment today during work where I felt inadequate, exposed, and downright shitty. I wallowed for longer than I should have. Then, I thought it might be beneficial to change my mindset. That led me to the post. And, I need to practice self-affirming talk in my professional life more often…i.e. all the friggin’ time!

Step 5: Surround Yourself with Positive People

Yes.

….No more steps!

But, when do I ask the universe for some stuff? I was waiting for this part. I guess I will have to try again tomorrow!

 

Day 20: The Mind Needs Problems

My 500 Words, Professional

I just went for a walk to break up the work day, lamenting all of the things that annoyed me about the day. I thought about Eckhart Tolle and the spiritual learnings I have been exposed to the past few weeks. I have been trying to tap into my “inner being” and separating my mind and its ramblings from my true self. I have found this to be a pretty useful exercise,

Conan O’Brien in a recent podcast he posted, mentioned that growing up, he believed that in order to be successful, you have to be miserable. This resonated with me. I grew up thinking that in order to be a good person, I had to suffer; I had to be broke and lose something in order to gain what I wanted. This is really not true. This is a limiting belief that can seep into so many areas of life. It can poison your mindset, your belief in what is possible for your life. The insidiousness of this thinking has been harmful to many of us. I have started just by writing affirmations of the beliefs that I want to have about myself and my life.

I have started to do this to shift my thoughts about work and my career path. As a side note, I write down my BIG goals all the time and revisit them. This is different and is in service of my bigger goals. I digress. So, I wrote down a few things that I thought would help me with work specifically.

Daily affirmations:
– I am so proud of my work.
– I am creative every day.
– I am doing meaningful work.
– I am present.

These daily affirmations were created to combat the negative thoughts that assault me in the midst of my work day. It seems that I am distracted and disempowered at times during my day. I created this “note” on January 18, 2019. I KID YOU NOT that this has helped me drastically. In less than a month, I have felt my job improve and rise to meet my expectations of purpose. This seems ridiculous, but it has been true so far, making me a believer. It might be my attitude, or it might be my reality has shifted. It might be some combination of both. In any case, I have had the best work month that I have had in a long time, maybe ever.

I feel more purposeful, challenged, and in alignment than ever. I have gone from menial and what I have found to be exhausting tasks to being asked to write, research, and learn within complex topics that help further the business and help better protect people. I don’t know what could be better. That is not the say that things have gotten easier. Work has actually become more challenging in the past month, but it has become increasingly worthwhile. I don’t know exactly what is going on, but I like it. I look forward to what is coming next, and I hope I remember to stay positive and to attract the job I desire, not that I think I deserve.